At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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