So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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