is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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