i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
