I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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