I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
