This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
