sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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