um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
