Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
