I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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