Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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