My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
COCAINE IS GR8
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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