mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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