One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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