My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
