why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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