she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
