xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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