i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
