The brown eye won't let me do that either.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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