Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
4 words: hood of his car
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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