Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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