I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
