Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
