Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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