Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
