sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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