Whats the glycemic index on semen?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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