i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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