No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
