Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
