Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
