Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
