No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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