I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dignity is for republicans.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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