Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
