Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
