mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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