Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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