I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there was a trapeze. enough said
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
