Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
True college students do jello shots in the library
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
