When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
