You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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