hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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