wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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