btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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