Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
