She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
