Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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