I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
