you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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