I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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