Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.