I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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