Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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