She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.