Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?