hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."