yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
