If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
