you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
