i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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