your parents love me but you hate me
My first STD was from a foam party
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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