If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
