i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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