3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
