I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
