i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
