Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
