Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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