it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
