I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
