Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
