I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
