She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
