I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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